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Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
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| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 53.3%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh | 65.1% | | Shamelessness | 95.2%
Has yet to see self in mirror | 79.3% | | Sex Drive | 76.3%
The Pope is envious | 77.7% | | Straightness | 44.6%
Done the nasty, but not creatively | 44.6% | | Gayness | 25%
At least one weekend of ecstacy | 83.8% |
| Fucking Sick | 97.3%
Refreshingly normal | 90% |
You are 65.98% pure
Average Score: 72.7%
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Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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Why doesnt anything make me happy?
Like..i dunno..the only person I'd rather be with at the moment is kinda like on his way to San Francisco...damn...
I think imma visit Sandy ^^;
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| Time: | 8:07 am. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION- サイレン. |
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Dood....I had like the most awesome day ever....well like I left the house on friday night...n got back today (saturday morning) XD
yeah....it rocked soo much..lol..I had a blast! N i was drug free =D ...hehe
neway yeah....havent written nething in ages but yeah....thought i'd do it now..
oh yeah anti-depressants rock btw..its like im soo tired...yet cant seem to be able to fall asleep XD
so umm..yeah...
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Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
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| Time: | 5:03 am. |
| Mood: |  blank. | | Music: | Coldplay - Clocks. |
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I'm melodramatic about everything....I romanticize way too much about things I really shouldnt...
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Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | Coldplay - Clocks. |
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I see you there
Smiling, Listening, Hearing every single Breath
Watching Every single move
Smiling at Every single gesture
And I, unsure of what I feel
Unsure of what it is that I should feel
That I should say
That I should whisper in your ear
Caught up in my moments of melancholy
I sometimes see things which were never really there
I sort of put solutions which just temporarily fade
Has fading taken place?
Is it that its insecureness
Insecureness for something which is foreign
And that I'm afraid to watch and learn
The idea that theres someone there I'm sure is ever so appealing
Yet at what price does such a privilige come?
For one which has so little payed attention to other people's feelings
Cannot begin to understand how it is this Person feels
Eventhough I'm not sure
Be assured that I will try
For someone who cares about you so deeply
Should not be gotten rid of so quickly
I've cast my feelings aside for the majority of my life
I've learned to hide them and I've shut that part of my being away
So I cant Find
So I cant Find that Pain
That Pain which drives us to do things will very much regret
That Pain which has so much tormented me
And which now I just forget
Because of this its hard for me to feel
To feel that longing for someone else
To feel that passion for another person
Yet somehow I know its there
And even though unable I am to express
Aware I try to make you
That somewhere in there feelings for you lie and rest
Everyday its harder for me to know exactly what I'm feeling
Yet for you I'll make the effort
And maybe someday success I will have reached
It seems as if I know what I'm saying
Yet in reality confusion is always there
I have no other way to express myself
So I write this and hope that somehow you can understand
An empty vessel I feel and sail
Yet in its cargo something hidden is surely there
Thank you for being there for me
And somehow know that I'll try to be there for you as well
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Monday, November 29th, 2004
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| Time: | 6:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  complacent. | | Music: | Ashlee Simpson-Lala. |
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Forever I Will Wait
Forever I have looked
Forever I have searched
Yet now so unexpectedly your love to me is confessed
So sweet, my heart would think
Yet, like a thorn on a rose
Its beauty can be deceiving－then it pricks and makes you bleed
I seem to have found happiness, yet with it sadness comes
A vast ocean lies between us, one which cannot so easily be crossed
I stop to think and wonder, “Will something like this really last?”
When you’re not around, all I want to do is talk to you
Yet as soon as I get the chance, my mind goes completely blank
Why, heart, is it that you’re so confusing?
Why, is it that you long for something which so far ahead in the future lies
Are you really in the future, will time pass and permit you to come alive
I truly do hope so, for as much as it does hurt me
There’s no one else for whom I’d rather feel the way I do
At times I make you sad, I guess in an attempt to prove you really care
Yet unfair of me it is, for someone as great as you deserves only but the best
My confusion grows ever so big
Yet I’m sure that’s what’s entitled to something you’ve never felt
Those who are together, cannot begin to comprehend what it means to be apart
For you never learn to cherish, unless its struggle which you have had
Forever my heart will wait
Though painful it might be, I’m sure you’re worth the wait
I’ve found you, and now I wait
Forever my heart searched, not sure exactly where to begin
So now that it has found you, I’ll wait as long it may take
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Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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I used to once think that friends would be there for you no matter what...and therefore I felt it a necessity for me to be there for them when ever they needed me...Recently I've noticed how the majority of the people I know seem to be tangled up with their own things..with their own problems..with their own friends....I never seem to be important enough to be considered a necessity in somebody else's affairs...Sometimes I wonder if I were to not call certain people..would they be concerned enough to call me at all? I guess the portrayal of how a friend should be is much too overrated....is it that there's truly no one you can confide in..or is it that I just never happen to meet people in my exact state of mind....
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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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| Time: | 5:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | Appears (the trance version in ayutrance)- Hamasaki Ayumi. |
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I had like the best weekend ever!
I like went to a rave on friday..and kand-e flipped (e and acid)...it was like the most amazing thing ever....I was like seeing color spectrums everywhere...it was an awesome feeling...well like I could go on about the night itself but that'd take forever to describe...Like I dunno...I almost dehydrated though coz I hadnt taken enough water...some ppl had to take care of me at the rave 'til I felt better...they were really nice ^ _ ^
Like after we left the rave I went to my friend Jay's house and like when I was crossing the street everything looked so kool..like he put music in the car and like I started looking at the speaker...and like I got lost in the music....We were listening to Jang Nara...and yeah..her voice sounded soo amazing..like I lapsed into a dream worl in which I would see her singing along with some other guy..in a see of lights...and everything was soo nice...so many of the things I felt are undescribeable but they were soo amazing..there was a point in which I saw Aladding and Jasmin...and like I saw them riding their magic carpet...and I saw fire works....well like yeah..lol...there were a shit load of other thigns I saw. Like when we got to my friends house I couldnt sleep coz I was still tripping out...so like they took care of me and stuff..they like stood up all night and morning making sure I was okay...it was funny coz like my friend Jay was sober...and my friend Jacqui was like probably extremely tired since it was her first rave...and well yeah..it was awesome that they stood up with me n shit..we went to Carl's JR in the morning..and I was like hella cracked out....most of the effects of the acid had gone away..but like yeah..i still felt a little weird...well like yeah..
When I got home I still couldnt sleep so I took a shower and got ready to go to my friend's house..coz like she was throwing a party n stuff so yeah....when I got there I was like soo out of it..n yeah....later on I took the other half of the pill I had saved from the night before....and like I had forgotten that I had taken it and like drank some brandy...I got kinda drunk n yeah..it was funny....like later on me and my friend Julio like started drinking shots n like yeah...i drank a little too much...coz like i was fine....n then next thing u know i started feeling drowzy...n then like i just tried to walk n i fell but like i couldnt feel it....n like i dunno...i got super drunk..i had some awesome conversations with ppl though..like we talked about life n stuff like that...like i talked to this one girl who like was telling how like you dont find a person by looking...that like when u least expect u find the person with whom ur going to spend ur entire life with....she was telling me about her fiance n like how he was supposed to be getting with her friend..but it turned out they clicked instead..n like two years later..they're engaged..so yeah...wow...LOVE ^ - - ^
someday ill be in love..lol
Oh yeah...well like i got really drunk n like i was throwing up..well like i eventually knocked out...n i woke up next to my friend V and my friend RAndy..they rock! well yeah....it was an awesome day....well like i started feeling the acid again on the way home....n like yeah i was gonna tripping out...coz of the motion sickness and all...too much alcohol > < well hmm..yeah..when i got home i started listening to this one song by Xiao Xiao..n like i got lost in the song...i had like the most intense feeling of euphoria...n i loved it..i dunno...well like yeah...right now im kinda still feeling the acid..its weird..it like goes away..n then it comes back..i was trying to sleep today...n i couldnt...n like at around 5 am..i like started staring at the wall....n like it seemed to move farther and farther away...n yeah...i dunno...im happy ^ _ __ _ _ ^
....imma go call my friend..lol..he rocks! (^ ____ ^)
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Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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| Time: | 4:38 am. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | Ryan Cabrera- On the Way Down. |
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Whats up with music nowadays..its all the same > <
I'm like listening to German and French music now o.o
Fuck..I'm weird lol..I like need at least one new song everyday...hmm..yeah.
GAh..everything sucks..everything's boring...ppl are always busy...ppl are always doing stuff...just never with me.. - -;;
fuck...today i go back to school again...after being absent for like two days...hmm...vacation sucks! theres like nothing to do...i need a job...a purpose i dunno...just something to do with my time besides sleep and watch tv all day... =)__(=
All the cool ppl live like super far...grr!
i need to meet someone that lives nearby....i dunno...I need someone special in my life...
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
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| Time: | 6:38 pm. |
| Music: | Étienne Daho & Charlotte Gainsbourg - If. |
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yay for soulseek!!!! ^ ___ ^
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There's this one french song I want soooo baD!!! n like its only available in the french iTunes store!!! > <
Ive been looking online and theres no way to download it...this sucks!!! fucking american site...im sure the british one has the song...meh~!!! - -;;
Imma try using soulseek...hopefully someone has it in there...
OH yeah the song's If, by Etienne Daho and Charlotte Gainsbourg
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
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Monday, August 30th, 2004
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Never ever eat left overs!!! they're BAD!!! BAD!!!! > <
I was hungry n like there wasnt enough of anything to make one meal..so i had to like eat left over everything XD....my tummy hurts now...wah~!!! T ___ T
hmm...yeah... ::goes back to spying on the old ladies across the street:: ^ ^;
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Sunday, August 29th, 2004
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Yesterday was soo much fun...I went to a rave with my friends and I had a blast! Like I met some of the best people ever....I was rolling pretty hard too...like I spent the majority of the party with this one dude called waffles....he was really kool..we were talking about like how his gf of four years dumped him recently because she says she needs to have a little more "fun"....that sucks! He seems like one of the nicest guys ever...we were talking about Marco..coz like we both kick it like with the same group of ravers..so like yeah..we were talking about how like it seems like when he first meets you...he like starts calling you everyday and taking you everywhere...and next thing you know..he just like stops calling you and going out with you as often as he did....so yeah...I guess Marco's like kinda two-faced...but yeah...regardless of all that...he's still a pretty kool guy.
Well like we met this girl named Shannon..and it was her first rave....she was having a blast..like they started talking to waffles and stuff..and then we decided to go chill outside...we made a raver family XD Like waffles is the dad..Shannon is the mom..and I'm their son..lol
I almost lost my cell phone..that was like really sad....Like right when I thought I wasnt gonna find it this girl like comes up to me and tells me she found it..and I was like "omg....thank you sooooo much!!!"...and for their honesty I gave her this very special glowstick my friend had bought me at EDC...it got kinda scratched..but oh well....at least I'm not gonna have to tell my mom that I need to buy a new cell phone coz I lost it at a rave.. XD
Oh yeah..I'm not doing tweak anymore..that shits nasty...I stopped talking to the people who told me to try it...their lives probably revolve around that shit...good thing I stopped in time...I hear people really get addicted to that shit...oh well...
Well I kinda feel like going out like to downtown or something...the nice part of downtown has some great scenery...I'm kinda lazy to shower again though...like I showered when I got home and brushed my teeth...but I didnt wet my hair..coz I dont want it to get all poofy....gah...I hate having nasty damaged wavy/curly hair....its a pain in the ass...neway yeah...I need to buy some stickers for my phone..to cover the scratches ^ ^;
OH yeah..I'm like officially on vacation now! Yay for me!!! the only bad thing is that like now everyone else goes back to school..god I hate having that whole year around thing....I have to go to APs during vacation = ___ =
grrr!!!! I think imma volunteer at an elementary school...I wanna see if I can teach them munchkins a little thing or two...its better to get involved with them early on so they dont like stray into a path of drugs and violence....(I shouldnt be talking..lol) Well I do it moderately...lol like only e..I dont wanna mess with anything else...I've learned from the mistakes I've made in the past you know...so it'd be kind of nice to pass on that knowledge on to others...whoa! im sounding all sage-like..lol well yeah...I dunno..
well yeah...hopefully i get a chance to write something again pretty soon...ive noticed its been like forever since i lost wrote anything...but yeah bai~! for now (^ - - ^)/
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| Time: | 2:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  high. | | Music: | Dido- Thank You. |
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I started working out again! lol
yeah...I'm getting hella fat....so decided it was time to like stop my unhealthy eating habits...who am I kidding..lol I know that on monday I'll be buying like fucking 5 twinkies XD
Neway yeah..I bought a straightener...felt it was time to try something different...been kinda bored with my hair so yeah. ^ ^;;
I made "Japanese tacos" today..lol..i was soo hungry n like the only thing there was to eat was sea weed white rice and salsa lol neway yeah..it was pretty good..but then my mom got home with thai food..so yay! lol
Fuck I feel soo out of it..last night I went to my friends house n like we were smoking some chronic drinking n doing some noz n tweak (is that how u spell it?)..yeah bad me! lol neway..imma go need to do hw later on...
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| Time: | 5:37 am. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | Gouryella- Ligaya. |
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Wow...After hearing everyone elses score on the AP Exam..I dont feel as bad as I did before. I mean its kinda sad that happy that other people did as bad as me..but still..I dunno..lol its like IM NOT STUPID...YAY ^ ^;;
Well yeah there were tons of other 1's n stuff...so yeah I wasnt the only one..I feel bad for Wendy and Liz though..they studied so hard.. = ___ =
I didnt study for shit! XD I wasnt even planning to take it..lol Neway yeah...
I woke up today coz of a dream..it was weird..like I guess I was at a party or something (in the dream). Most likely at a rave..n like I met two kool people n like I guess I was rolling coz we were all like "I'm glad I met you." Something which usually only happens when you roll..lol Neway like yeah..suppposedly one of them had to shoot each other in a duel or something I dunno it was weird..We were like wrestling each other for control of the guns n stuff...(dont ask..its a dream..i dont get it either :P ) Well like I was trying to beg 'em not to like fight or what not but yeah they did...coz they said they had to n stuff...well I heard the gun shots outside or whatever..n when I went outside I was happy to know (in the dream) that like no one had died or nething that just the girl got shot in the arm but was fine..so yeah...It was funny coz it was a friednly fight..lol. I dunno how to explain it. Neway yeah...I fell all happy n stuff coz no one got hurt..its weird... Well yeah n then I woke up..hence me being awake this early....
Well I have like two tets to take today...English n US History..imma ask the teacher if she can like give me an extension or something for turning in her work since I was absent n yeah was supposedly "very very sick" ^ ^;;
Neway yeah imma go get ready for school..
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Thursday, July 15th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  pensive. | | Music: | Story of the Year - Anthem Of Our Dying Day. |
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"...Why will you take by force what you may have quietly by love? Why will you destroy us who supply you with food? What can you get by war? We can hide our provisions and run into the woods; then you will starve for wronging your friends. Why are you jealous of us? We are unarmed, and willing to give you what you ask, if you come in a friendly manner, and not so simple as not to know that it is much better to eat good meat, sleep comfortably, live quietly with my wives and children, laugh and be married with the English, and trade for their copper and hatchets, than to run away from them, and lie cold in the woods, feed on acorns, roots and such trash, and be so hunted that I can neither eat nor sleep...so I must end my miserable life. Take away guns and swords, the cause of all our jealousy, or you may all die in the same manner."
--Powhatan's plea to John Smith
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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:24 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. | | Music: | Michelle Branch- Are You Happy Now. |
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I got a 1 on my AP Euro exam...Yay for me! ( ; - ; )
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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| How to make a cutetokyoboy |
Ingredients:
1 part jealousy
1 part courage
3 parts leadership |
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Serve with a slice of lovability and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
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cutetokyoboy's journal